FYI-

I was wondering how many planned on entering ABNA (Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award) this year. If there is enough perhaps we could start a group.
If you want more information www.amazon.com/b?node=332264011
Thanks

My reply to the suggestions.

I did make the changes at suggested. I will post the updated version. By the way, I should have explain the Marty at the end of this piece is a girl. Some people was confused thinking it was a guy. Sorry. This is a respones from Tricia, once I explain that.
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Anita,
Since David is the only guy then I think that it would be clear to the reader who knows that Marty is a girl. So you don't need to make those changes. In the scene you can certainly feel the sexual tension building. Well done and thanks for the friend invite.
Thanks
Tricia

This was some suggestions given to me about this piece on fluncking French via email.

He did a slow grin
He did a gentle chuckle
He did another chuckle
I said throwing a glare at him
with a back glance at me

Those type of phases take away from your story. I think. I'm not sure if it's David or Marty who gives her the hurt look. Also watch for changes in tense.
Good luck with your writing.
Tricia

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When you say, "I knock his arm out of the way" I'm not sure who's arm. And, who are you throwing a glare at? Just a few clarifications. Also, when you say 'pushing me gentle against the wall' should gentle be gently? Maybe I'm not catching the context. All in all, its very well constructed. You put the idea that you like David without telling us. I love stories that are written like this. Can't wait to read more!
Mikayla
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Well.... I was told this piece reminds them of Daniel Steele

My goal was to sound like Daniel Steele from chapter 2 to 6. Once I get into the plot this book is far from Daniel Steele. Of course, Daniel Steele is a wonderful romance writer. I take this as a strong compliment!!!!!




Hey Anita,

When you read more of GOD, I was just wondering if you can tell me how the story touched you. Like what was your emotional reaction to it?

It's just that I think literature is, above all else, art, and in my opinion, the main purpose of art is to touch people in some way or another. I just kinda want to know how the expression of my ideas touches other people.

Anyway, with yours, I thought of Daniel Steele and the Liz I knew.

With mine, there are a whole lot of metaphors and double entendras that I don't expect every reader to get. Regardless, I most readers will get a lot of the punchlines. I'm trying to go for a very classic kind of vibe too. Sort of like 1950's and 60's corporate America when everybody was optimistic about the promise of the future and blind consumerism prevailed.

Anyway, I'll send you a friend request. Hope all is well.

Peace, Jessie

This is email from a friend Nellie for this piece

Anita, I'm glad to see someone else posted besides just me. I like your piece, specially his lips on her ear, and the way she loves his eyes. The 'He did a gentle chuckle' puzzled me for a moment, but that's the way character talks and for me it fits.

I got an email back from the author of "My damn friends.

I have to post this email. It is so great!!!!

Hi Anita,

I self published my first book at iUniverse.com. It's on the website if you want to check out what self publishing is all about. I have two other books that are up for grabs, which is the reason I've decided to post a website. Advice I received from other authors was to join to publisher's marketplace, an online site where agents, writers, and editors can find each other. That's on my site under the For Agents section.

I've been on the hunt for an agent for almost three years (don't freak out)! I've been inconsistently consistent with work and raising a family so it hasn't been like I've done nothing else but search for an agent! Plus, I stopped to write my second manuscript in between so that I have two books to market.

My biggest advice: network by contacting authors like myself. I've gotten some really good advice. Big authors do email you back: Jodi Picoult has emailed me answers to many of my questions. Pamela Satran, Robyn Harding, Boston Globe columnists, they're all quite responsive.

To initially market your manuscript, you'll need a query letter, a synopsis, an author bio. Do you have those? Do you know how to do those? Do you know how to search for agents who have taken on books similar to your material? If not, I can direct you on how to begin with that process.

Good luck, Anita, and don't stop writing! There are many avenues in which to publish your book. Happy Holidays!

P.S. how did you hear about my site? If you stumbled upon it, that would be great! :)
Jodi Blase

Well, I got my first review from a online friend name Jesse. I will paste it below. He sent me an email.

Hello Anita, you were the very first person to post a review, so I read the part of the book that you posted. Funny thing is, I used to know this girl named Liz, in my life, and she had a big mouth, a real big mouth. She had such a big mouth that she almost got me fired from a job.
Anyway, my mind is a little foggy so I'm tired, but I think what little prose you have posted is better than most. Their personalities and emotions seem to really come through clear in the prose. Their quotes are unique, as if it is two different people speaking. I'm not sure where the story is going yet, but its a very classic kind of scene. There's nothing wrong with your segment, but just to tell you my taste, I like a book that's original in some way. I like to pick up something, read it and be like damn- I haven't ever read anything like that before!