This is a new piece from my book. David and Nicole at the zoo!

“Giraffes are so unusual-looking,” I said, as we watch the tall creatures munching on the leaves of the surrounding trees. “And they’re so graceful, too; they’re beautiful.”

“You’re beautiful,” he whispers, standing behind me. I know he was close, I could feel his breath on my neck. I have the feeling he wants me to turn around, and face him. I turn around looking into those wonderful eyes. I saw everything I would ever want from this life, and the next life. He leans down pressing his cheek against mine, the skin burning where we were connected, and he whispers in my ear.

“I don’t think of you as a best friend, Nicole,” he said softly. “You mean a lot more to me than that.”

I was so thrilled that I couldn’t speak. My heart was beating so loudly and so fast I was sure he could hear it. I felt his lips on my ears again.

“Is this considered kissing your ears?” he asked softly.

“You could’ve accidently grazed it,” retorted in small voice. I forgot we were in a public place, I didn’t care.

“I don’t accidently graze,” he murmurs.

His cheek slowly slid back, and his chin tilted to the side so that his mouth covered mine. I held my breath, thinking this is the moment I’ve been waiting for.

Suddenly, we were attack by twenty or so kids running up to the fence for the giraffes. We both jump out of our dazed dream.

Our lips never touch!

I turn throwing an angry glare at the screaming kids. Where are your parents? I’ve been waiting for years for this moment.

He starts laughing looking around at all the kids. Of course he would find humor in it!

Writing Status...

It's hard to believe, but I'm done with this book. I have edits and polishing to finish, which is a lot.
My biggest problem happened about two months ago. I live in Atlanta Ga. One day when I wasn't home. We had a bad thunderstrom. I did a great job leaving my labtop plugged in the outlet.
Too make a long story short, all my ports was fired!!!! I couldn't print, get on the internet, or fax. My book was sitting in my labtop. After I dried my tears, I carried my baby to Best Buy. They told me if I paid $400.00, they would have to manuel take the computer apart and remove my hard drive. I would still have to buy a new computer. I told them I would buy a new computer and retype the book on my new laptop myself, saving $400.00 for their repairs. I'm a fast typist. It should take me about two weeks to retype over 300 pages, so I thought.

It's been two months and I only manage to retype half my book on the new laptop, so far. Maybe if I would stop adding and changing things from the old book/old computer, as I type into the new computer, I could finish faster.

My other problem is, I'm spending a lot of time on the internet.

I only have two more weeks of medical leave from my job(I had surgery). My plan was to be done and sending out my query to agents by the time I return to work. I think I can do it. I will keep you posted.
Anita

Compare the changes....

If you take a look at the post on Dec 8, you will see a few changes.
My friend at Writers Digest had a few suggestion that I agree with.

This is my completed edit for the French talk.....I hope!

“Wow, Liz wasn’t kidding about you hating French,” says David.
I whip around looking into the eyes that stole my heart.
“What did Liz tell you?” I ask, hoping I won’t have to hurt Liz, because of her big mouth.
He shrugs shoulders. “She told me you hate French. Is there something about French she wasn’t supposed to tell me?” He picks up the book off the floor, leaning in very close to place it in my locker.
“Abusing the book won’t improve your grade,” he said with serious eyes.
“There’s nothing wrong with my grade,” I told a little white lie. I start fumbling with my notebook, so he can’t see my face. He would know I was lying.
“Why are you lying to me?” he asked in a soft voice.
I close my locker. “My grade maybe a little low, but I can handle it.” I start walking down the hall real fast. I love everything about him, but he’s an insane tutor. He constantly harasses you until he drives you crazy! He does it all in a calm and polite manner, that drives me crazy! I vowed last year I would never let him tutor me again.
He catches me by the arm to slow me down. He didn’t release my arm.
“Last year I tutored you in calculus.” He does a slow grin. “Let me try to remember all the names you called me.” He gently pushes me against the wall. He steps up to me so close; I can feel every breath from him. “You called me insane or mad?”
“I called you both,” I said barely above a whisper, staring in his eyes. I truly love those eyes.
He places a hand on the wall next to my head. He leans into my ear whispering, “You said I was evil with politeness.” His breath hits my ear, sending shivers down my spine. I can feel his lips on the tip of my ear. “Then you threw all the books on the floor,” he murmurs against my ear. My knees start going weak.
“Are you flunking French?” he whispers, gently grazing his lips against my cheek.
I turn my head giving him a sharp look.
“What are you two love birds whispering about?” Marty passes by us giving David’s shoulder a shove.
I knock David’s arm out the way.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I hiss to Marty.
What is that look he’s giving me…..hurt or annoyed?
“Don’t play stupid with me…..I’m better at it,” Marty retorts.

FYI-

I was wondering how many planned on entering ABNA (Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award) this year. If there is enough perhaps we could start a group.
If you want more information www.amazon.com/b?node=332264011
Thanks

My reply to the suggestions.

I did make the changes at suggested. I will post the updated version. By the way, I should have explain the Marty at the end of this piece is a girl. Some people was confused thinking it was a guy. Sorry. This is a respones from Tricia, once I explain that.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Anita,
Since David is the only guy then I think that it would be clear to the reader who knows that Marty is a girl. So you don't need to make those changes. In the scene you can certainly feel the sexual tension building. Well done and thanks for the friend invite.
Thanks
Tricia

This was some suggestions given to me about this piece on fluncking French via email.

He did a slow grin
He did a gentle chuckle
He did another chuckle
I said throwing a glare at him
with a back glance at me

Those type of phases take away from your story. I think. I'm not sure if it's David or Marty who gives her the hurt look. Also watch for changes in tense.
Good luck with your writing.
Tricia

_______________________________________________________________________

When you say, "I knock his arm out of the way" I'm not sure who's arm. And, who are you throwing a glare at? Just a few clarifications. Also, when you say 'pushing me gentle against the wall' should gentle be gently? Maybe I'm not catching the context. All in all, its very well constructed. You put the idea that you like David without telling us. I love stories that are written like this. Can't wait to read more!
Mikayla
_______________________________________________________________________

Well.... I was told this piece reminds them of Daniel Steele

My goal was to sound like Daniel Steele from chapter 2 to 6. Once I get into the plot this book is far from Daniel Steele. Of course, Daniel Steele is a wonderful romance writer. I take this as a strong compliment!!!!!




Hey Anita,

When you read more of GOD, I was just wondering if you can tell me how the story touched you. Like what was your emotional reaction to it?

It's just that I think literature is, above all else, art, and in my opinion, the main purpose of art is to touch people in some way or another. I just kinda want to know how the expression of my ideas touches other people.

Anyway, with yours, I thought of Daniel Steele and the Liz I knew.

With mine, there are a whole lot of metaphors and double entendras that I don't expect every reader to get. Regardless, I most readers will get a lot of the punchlines. I'm trying to go for a very classic kind of vibe too. Sort of like 1950's and 60's corporate America when everybody was optimistic about the promise of the future and blind consumerism prevailed.

Anyway, I'll send you a friend request. Hope all is well.

Peace, Jessie

This is email from a friend Nellie for this piece

Anita, I'm glad to see someone else posted besides just me. I like your piece, specially his lips on her ear, and the way she loves his eyes. The 'He did a gentle chuckle' puzzled me for a moment, but that's the way character talks and for me it fits.

I got an email back from the author of "My damn friends.

I have to post this email. It is so great!!!!

Hi Anita,

I self published my first book at iUniverse.com. It's on the website if you want to check out what self publishing is all about. I have two other books that are up for grabs, which is the reason I've decided to post a website. Advice I received from other authors was to join to publisher's marketplace, an online site where agents, writers, and editors can find each other. That's on my site under the For Agents section.

I've been on the hunt for an agent for almost three years (don't freak out)! I've been inconsistently consistent with work and raising a family so it hasn't been like I've done nothing else but search for an agent! Plus, I stopped to write my second manuscript in between so that I have two books to market.

My biggest advice: network by contacting authors like myself. I've gotten some really good advice. Big authors do email you back: Jodi Picoult has emailed me answers to many of my questions. Pamela Satran, Robyn Harding, Boston Globe columnists, they're all quite responsive.

To initially market your manuscript, you'll need a query letter, a synopsis, an author bio. Do you have those? Do you know how to do those? Do you know how to search for agents who have taken on books similar to your material? If not, I can direct you on how to begin with that process.

Good luck, Anita, and don't stop writing! There are many avenues in which to publish your book. Happy Holidays!

P.S. how did you hear about my site? If you stumbled upon it, that would be great! :)
Jodi Blase

Well, I got my first review from a online friend name Jesse. I will paste it below. He sent me an email.

Hello Anita, you were the very first person to post a review, so I read the part of the book that you posted. Funny thing is, I used to know this girl named Liz, in my life, and she had a big mouth, a real big mouth. She had such a big mouth that she almost got me fired from a job.
Anyway, my mind is a little foggy so I'm tired, but I think what little prose you have posted is better than most. Their personalities and emotions seem to really come through clear in the prose. Their quotes are unique, as if it is two different people speaking. I'm not sure where the story is going yet, but its a very classic kind of scene. There's nothing wrong with your segment, but just to tell you my taste, I like a book that's original in some way. I like to pick up something, read it and be like damn- I haven't ever read anything like that before!

The flunking French conversation from my book. Let me know what you think of it.

“Wow, Liz wasn’t kidding about you hating French,” says David.
I whip around looking into the eyes that stole my heart.
“What did Liz tell you?” I ask, hoping I won’t have to hurt Liz, because of her big mouth.
He shrugs shoulders. “She told me you hate French. Is there something about French she wasn’t supposed to tell me?” He picks up the book off the floor, leaning in very close to place it in my locker.
“Abusing the book won’t improve your grade,” he said with serious eyes.
“There’s nothing wrong with my grade,” I told a little white lie. I start fumbling with my notebook, so he can’t see my face. He would know I was lying.
“Why are you lying to me?” he asked in a soft voice.
I close my locker. “My grade maybe a little low, but I can handle it.” I start walking down the hall real fast. I love everything about him, but he’s an insane tutor. He constantly harasses you until he drives you crazy! He does it all in a calm and polite manner, that drives me crazy! I vowed last year I would never let him tutor me again.
He caught me by the arm to slow me down. He didn’t release my arm.
“Last year I tutored you in calculus.” He did a slow grin. “Let me try to remember all the names you called me.” He stops walking, pushing me gentle against the wall. He steps up to me so close; I could feel every breath he took. “You called me insane or mad?”
“I called you both,” I said barely above a whisper. I was staring in his eyes. I truly love those eyes.
He places a hand on the wall next to my head. He leans into my ear whispering, “You said I was evil with politeness.” He did a gentle chuckle. His breath hit my ear sending shivers down my spine. I could feel his lips on the tip of my ear. “Then you threw all the books on the floor,” he murmured against my ear. My knees start going weak. He did another chuckle.
I did a little giggle remembering that day.
“Are you flunking French?” he whispers gently grazing his lips against my cheek.
I turn my head giving him a sharp look.
“What are you two love birds whispering about?” Marty passes by us giving David shoulder a shove.
I knock his arm out the way.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I said throwing a glare at him, as I walk away.
What was that look he shot back at me…hurt or annoyed?
“Don’t play stupid with me…I’m better at it,” Marty says with a back glance at me.

The introduction of my new book title: In your eyes

Hello,
My name is Anita Mann. I've started this blog to get feed back on a book I'm writing. I would appreciate the thoughts you would like to share with me about the book. My plans are to talk about the plots and characters. I will also be posting samples from the book. Please feel free to read and enjoy. Let me know what you think!
Thanks
Anita Mann